November ’21–16 Conclusions

1. November 2021 was a good month. Not a lot of noise and activity, just a lot of time putting my head down and living. In October, I wrote that I expected that the month would be boring and yeah, I could describe the month as that. Boring with many miracles.
2. It seems like every month now, someone I know is getting married or engaged. Or having a baby. These things now make me genuinely happy. A year or so ago, I used to be in that, “chill guys, where are you rushing to?” mental space. Now though, I’m more than happy to celebrate with them. These milestones are not just about ticking boxes. These are some of the things people do genuinely desire. And aspire for. Well done and Godspeed to everyone. May all our wishes come true.
3. During the month, my partner and I made a conscious effort to host some of our friends to dinner. It was essentially a double date but it was one of the highlights of my month. Whenever I’m thinking of a mental map for Nov. ’21, that dinner is one of the events I’ll remember. It was nice to dress up, go to a nice place to eat and just spend time catching up and talking to friends. What’s more? The dinner ended with a testimony. I had been praying for something for my friend’s partner for a while now and as we were wrapping up, she shared that the answer to the prayers came just a few days before the dinner. That was so exciting to hear, and it helped build up my faith a bit further at a time when I needed it.
4. In line with the theme of testimonies, as the month was wrapping up, my friend called to say he just got news that he’d received approval to be transferred from the Lagos office to the Paris office at the company he worked for. I’m soo happy and excited for him.
   As exciting as the news was though, I must confess that I felt a twinge of unhappiness. Not that I wasn’t 100% happy for him, I was just unhappy about the uncertainty of what would happen to our friendship. This guy has been my friend since 2008/9 and we have always been in the same city since then. He was the best man at my wedding — though I wasn’t the best man at his — but we’ve been very close. And here he was, another one of my friends, leaving Nigeria in a few months. Last month, I wrote about social capital and moving houses and how social interaction should be a consideration even as all of us had intentions for relocation — I didn’t know the relocation was about to hit me so close.
   Nonetheless, I of course wish him all the best. We will be spending some time together before he leaves with his wife. It will be an interesting time.
5. To celebrate the relocation news, I met up with my guy and an”other” one of my guys. My “other” guy had come into the country for the weekend and we linked up at the Airbnb where he was staying. The social butterfly that he is, he had come in cos some of his other friends — who are also slightly mutual friends — had come in from other parts of the country. We all gisted and had some laughs before heading to W Bar. Being on my substance break, I just had some food and water while my guys were drinking champagne. I eventually left around 10pm after mostly satisfying my curiosity about what the bar looked like after its reopening.
6. The hangout/celebration didn’t leave me feeling all chummy though. Similar to point 4b, at some point, it dawned on me that I was the only one in that room who was “left” in Nigeria. It took me till the following day to remember that everyone’s path is different and I have to trust God to bring his word to pass while working and doing my own part. I also have the understanding that this great migration is part of a great grand plan and it shouldn’t surprise me.
7. Studying was mixed as usual. I always say it was mixed. I won’t say that I slacked a lot, but I was tired a lot and I had to encourage myself a lot. I spent quite a bit of time solving practice questions. I also discovered that I’ve covered the most difficult modules and I’m really hoping the other modules can be covered much faster. The process is also important. Putting in the work and studying hard and giving my everything to learn is also important. I’m now working with the mindset that learning anything is sometimes going to be difficult. I heard while listening to the Knowledge Project that writing is like running. If you train till you’re able to run a 5 minute mile, the mile will still be as difficult every time you run it, as it was the first time you ran it. It’s the same with running, and it’s the same when you first start learning something new. It may get easier as your capacity expands. It’s now about 85 till my exam date and I still have quite a bit to cover, but I’m confident that I’ll write this exam and pass it.
8. I attended a corporate event this month. The company I work for celebrated its 45th Anniversary celebration. It was good to see some of the owners of the business actually come out. But it also gave a lot of context to the work ahead and how things may not be as simple as I have imagined.
   On more work related content, I resumed physical work some time during the month. Its been an interesting experience as I’ve been actively involved in resolving many teething issues. I worked as the Admin guy — organizing office cleaning and shutting down power, the IT guy — shutting down servers and troubleshooting issues and generally just trying to help the office settle in while also doing my core work while my line manager was on vacation.
9. That’s a nice segue for how difficult commuting in Lagos has become. Most of the major roads in Lagos are under construction and the journey home from work now requires about twice the regular time, and taking a route that’s 3x the regular route. Its been mad having to go to the office everyday and I’m soon going to switch to a hybrid system.
10. My friends (who I went to dinner with) heard about our IITA trip and we tried to recreate such a trip for Christmas but from early November, we had found out the Institute was fully booked for the holidays. We eventually found a beach resort that was yet to be fully booked and will be spending Christmas there together.
    I had wanted to host a beach party in 2020 but funds and Covid said no! I’m kinda looking forward to this. Maybe not as much as I would have been looking forward to another IITA trip, but I’m definitely keeping an open mind, and will be looking to have fun.
11. I’m being more conscious about keeping promises and making the effort to do the things I say that I will do. I think that our words lose their power when we say stuff and we don’t do them. And our conscience reminds us to do them, and we still refuse to do them, sometimes procrastinating — i.e lying to ourselves more and more — so I just try to keep to my words these days. I said I was going to call two people during the month. One was an old friend I haven’t spoken to properly probably since we left Uni in 2011 and guess what, the conversation went very well. We spoke about investments and to a large extent, I was able to solve some of the problems he was calling about.
    The other person I spoke with was a colleague at my old firm. She spoke about the challenges she faced as she transitioned to her new organization and how she’s experiencing a newness of mindset. I’m excited for her and I strongly believe that as she continues in this new environment, she will begin to see changes in all aspects of her life, same as I have. We agreed to each reflect on our times with the old employer and document the key lessons we learnt and mistakes we shouldn’t make in the future.
12. Friendships in November have mostly been discussed. I however found a mantra that I would like to imbibe. I desire to have friendship relationships where if each one was asked who contributed most to the friendship, each person would say that it was the other friend. To be honest, I think that in most of my friendships, I pour into people more than they pour into me. And sometimes it does hurt. I think there’s maybe 1.5 friendships that I have that meet this criteria. I hope that in the coming years, I’m able to build a few more of them. I understand that they don’t have to be many, but I do desire for people to pour into me as much as I them.
    This however doesn’t mean that I would change who I am now or how I practice friendship now. It’s just an observation that the podcast episode brought to my consciousness.
    Anyway, cos of reading commitments, I didn’t have a lot of time to meet friends physically but I tried to stay in touch and reach out to my friends and pray for them. Everyone’s trying to figure life out and make the best of what they’ve been given. Godspeed to all of us.
13. I spent a bit more time than I’ve done since the twitter ban started in Naij, this month. I still just use the app sparingly and try not to get too drawn into the culture but I’ve been using it to have conversations a lot about the world and what’s happening with the pandemic. I also got to experience the PS5 and FIFA 22 for a few weeks as my brother left his console with me while he went on a trip. The new game required new learning and only reinforced that if I keep at it, I’ll learn my CFA as much as I’m able to learn FIFA every year it comes with major modifications.
    I didn’t spend a lot of time watching Tv or shows, I mostly only turned on the Tv to see Chelsea games and stayed away apart from that. I’ll probably try to get back to watching The Office as I go to sleep, but I won’t count on it too much. This commuting to work has meant that most times once I get on the bed, it’s quarter to sleep.
    I mostly listened to gospel music during the month with Dunsin Oyekan’s album becoming a big fave.
14. I also spent a lot of commute time listening to podcasts. ISWIS is popular on this side but my fave this year has been The Elevation Church podcast. I also made sure to join NLP on most days and watch Prophet Tomi Arayomi teach the bible and prophecy on Instagram. The content mix has really helped me to learn about God and myself and see instances where I need to build my faith. This month was filled with miracles and I’m absolutely sure that next month will be even bigger.
    Best book I read this month was The Alchemist. The book’s size and fascinating story meant that I was able to finish it within a few days. I then went on to buy two copies and gift my friends who I thought would be interested in (a.) reading a book I bought them (b.) reading about “finding yourself”
15. Workout and exercising was really tough this month as going to the office and commuting in Lagos made it near impossible. But I completed about 90% of my Apple Activity goal for the month before we had to start heading in to the office. I also tried to ensure that I worked out on the days when I didn’t have to go in. For December, I’ll be targeting the days when I’m working from home to get my workouts in. It’s extremely important to care for our bodies if we’re going to live long enough lives to be the best version of ourselves.

16. Unlike last month when I struggled to get to 16 Conclusions, this time, it’s been difficult to stick to just 16 and I’ve had to merge a couple. I wonder why. Anyway, final Conclusion — More like December outlook. I’m not sure I have been as excited about the December holidays as I’ve been this one. I have the choice and opportunity to actually relax and enjoy the holidays as I choose. Sometimes I think the devil tries to come and tell me that I should not be enjoying so much, or I’m “wasting” time because there’s nothing to be anxious about, but I know it’s a big lie. Before writing this note, I read my Nov. 2020 review and I saw how the good moments were sandwiched between tragic moments. How I was thankful for not having ‘as much anxiety” as usual. Things have changed significantly and I’m grateful.
I intend to enjoy December as much as I can, and just bask in God’s goodness and love, and in the love of my family and friends.